An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it might be time for marriage. But before tying the knot, they went out for a heart to heart talk over dinner about whether it would really work out. They discussed finances, living arrangements, snoring, and so on. Finally, the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly. "Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say that I would like it infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking over his glasses, he casually asked,


"Was that one word or two?"

3 days and change till the boss goes on vacation for 3 weeks..... Yee ha!

replies: 3

June 24, 2009 05:03 PM by stinkyfoots
hahaha, you're on vacation again?

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June 24, 2009 09:59 PM by kayalwin
So that means you will have more time to nag Brad about setting up the back porch webcam? I need a Brad sighting!!!

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June 25, 2009 11:52 AM by AmberBock
*message removed by Amberbock*

(11:00 AM) Young Programmer: I'm going to run this script on a table to update a bunch of values.
(11:00 AM) Old Programmer: What's your back up process?
(11:01 AM) Young Programmer: uuuuuh
(11:01 AM) Old Programmer: you want to make a backup of the table you are going to update in case something goes wrong.
(11:02 AM) Young Programmer: ok
(11:10 AM) Young Programmer: I did that, i'm going to run the script now.
(11:10 AM) Old Programmer: ok go ahead.
(11:11 AM) Young Programmer: What would be the best way to restore a table from a backup?
(11:11 AM) Old Programmer: aren't backups sweet.

I am not a dealership fan boy. In fact quite the opposite, I have never liked them at all. However, the dealership that I bought my Prius through has done much to change my mind.

Ever since I bought my car they have bent over backwards to take care of me. Just tonight I drive in with a check engine light on. Five minutes later the lady walks over with the keys to a loaner Prius and asks if they can keep it overnight to check it out.

I had my car in for a scheduled maintenance a few weeks ago and they guy tossed me a free car wash. I usually have them wash it when it is in for service and once it was raining when I picked it up from service so they gave me a free car wash ticket. I didn't even have to ask.

It's not just about the car washes, every time I go in everyone seems to care about doing a good job. It's a nice environment to go to.

http://www.truckspills.com/beer_spill.html
this would make any grown man cry

I have been real interested in the 3G Prius. I was in getting my 2006 serviced so I went over and sat in one.

I will not be owning a 2010 Prius.

The 2010 Prius has airbags which surround the passengers. While this is good all of that material has to go somewhere and in this case there is a bunch in the headliner so that the headliner is a couple inches lower than in my 2006. I can't fit. My head is all the way into the headliner and I can't even straighten up. The rest of the car looks pretty neat, only minor changes, with the exception of the console, which looks neat.

I am saddened to say they have shaped the car out of my use.

replies: 5

June 8, 2009 03:58 PM by stinkyfoots
You just need a big shoe horn to make it fit.

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June 9, 2009 06:39 PM by stinkyfoots
You could lean the seat back a little. That way it will look like you are going fast.

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June 9, 2009 09:30 PM by brad
I'll check itbout next time I am over there but I don't think it will work.

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June 11, 2009 01:31 PM by AmberBock
yeah..... but i can fit in it. Aren't you happy I'm happy with my Matrix?

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June 17, 2009 02:15 PM by AmberBock
Have you seen this?
http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/08/08/air.car/index.html

John Paul Jones in 1778 originated this phrase during the Revolutionary War, he wrote, 'I wish to have no connection with any ship that does not sail FAST; for I intend to go in harm's way.' Many servicemen have went in harm's way of the years, for peace only comes when good men go into harm's way to earn it for others.

I think there should be a law which requires drug testing for all members of Congress.

All I can think of to say is: WTF! Seriously. This is like one of those episodes of a DIY reality show where unqualified people come to your house and redecorate (read: screw up royally) your living space. Did anyone even check the names on the ballot? Are we sure the real Congress people votes on the bills? Maybe everyone had stand-ins from the free Meth clinic. Maybe it's a late April fools scam?

1. Of all of the gun laws that could have passed, who really cares about guns in national parks? What's the point?

2. Why is a gun law bundled together with credit card legislation?

3. And lastly, what is really going on? The credit card legislation was pretty much a shoe-in. The national park gun law has been around for a long time. Why now?

I think this just about sums it up!!!!

Leave it to Maxine to come up with a solution For the mess that America is in economically now

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. what a beauty of a bird feeder it was, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the shit. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ..everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore.. ﾠSo I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see.
Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care and free education, and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. ﾠSuddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's second grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one ' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

Check out the cool little javascript thingy I made at the bottom of the page.

Some good friends of ours moved away a short time ago. When they left they asked if we wanted their new refrigerator which is a very nice General Electric 25 cubic foot black and stainless side by side with water and ice on the door.

We have a fairly new refrigerator which serves us fine but it doesn't have water on the door. (I drink lots of water.) We decided we would take the free refrigerator.

Free Refrigerator Day 1

Picking up the Free Refrigerator. In order to pick up the Free Refrigerator we needed to rent a truck and an appliance dolly. Also we needed to hire a couple strong guys to move the Free Refrigerator around.

Free Refrigerator Day 1 total: $120.

Free Refrigerator Day 2

The trip to Lowes. Once we got the Free Refrigerator back to the house I had to cut just under an inch off of the bottom of the overhead cabinet so the Free Refrigerator would fit (we knew this before hand). In order to do this I needed to buy a Japanese Saw and a razor knife (I could not find mine.)

Free Refrigerator Day 2 total: $30.

Free Refrigerator Day 3

Today is Saturday, it's go time. My plan was to clamp a block of wood to the cabinet face and use that as a guide to draw a line with the razor knife. Once I scored the laminate face I used the Japanese Saw to cut along the line. It worked really well since the scoring kept the facing from cracking and splintering as I sawed. I did a pretty good job and my line was fairly straight. When I finished I dabbed a little bit of white paint on the edge of the cut. From 5 feet away you can't tell I was even there.

I rolled the Free Refrigerator into the spot and it fit like a glove.

Free Refrigerator Day 3 total: $0 .

So we are now the proud owners of a almost new Free Refrigerator that only cost is $150 bucks. Does anyone want to buy a nearly new 20 cubic foot refrigerator?

replies: 6

April 18, 2009 04:46 PM by stinkyfoots
SWEET!!! You know that the 20cu.ft frig would look sweet in the man cave. Just think of all that beer and wine it would hold.

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April 19, 2009 10:28 AM by AmberBock
That would be cool. When can we expect you to come help us move that refrigerator DOWNSTAIRS? I'll buy you a couple cases of beer. That will hold you a couple days.

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April 19, 2009 11:07 AM by stinkyfoots
What is Brad going to drink???

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April 19, 2009 04:05 PM by brad
We already have 1 refrigerator just for wine and another one just for beer. I guess you can never have too much beer. :) I expect you over to help drink the beer. Pronto.

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April 26, 2009 12:26 PM by stinkyfoots
Why isn't it "beer and ice on the door?" Sounds like a kegger to me.

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May 4, 2009 12:05 PM by AmberBock
I have seen wine AND beer kegs for the frig. But dont know if they can be wired to the outside pour spout. But it might be nice.

The South Beach CUBAN DIET

Breakfast:
Cafe con Leche: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and we begin it with the drink of generations. Cafe con leche, the life blood of the Cuban breakfast. Must use whole milk. Nothing will jump start your metabolism quicker than caffeine and calcium. Cafe con leche is to the Cuban child what a triple-shot, double vanilla nonfat mocha latte dark is to a member of corporate America . Coffee drinking in general among kids should always be encouraged.

Cuban Tortilla, (not to be confused with a Mexican tortilla): Cubans will take beaten eggs, add anything they could find in the Frigidaire, fry it up in a pan and call it a tortilla. Then they will take this egg concoction and put it between two eight inch slices of Cuban bread (May substitute for whole wheat bread) and call it Pan con Tortilla Carbohydrates, Protein, Starch and Cholesterol all rolled up into something that gives you more energy than the strongest protein power bar.

Note: It is a proven fact that when you combine carbohydrates, protein, fat, starch and cholesterol in just the right combination, they all counteract each other and have absolutely no detrimental effect on the human body. Of course, that human body has to be Cuban. We know this to be true "Porque en Cuba , nadie padecia de colesterol!"

LUNCH & DINNER:
RICE: Every meal must contain rice. Rice a great source of fiber, is low in fat, has no cholesterol and is rich in Vitamin B1, B6, and B12. So what if it has carbs. Remember, Dr Atkins se murio por no comer arroz (I thought he fell down a flight of stairs). Add Aceite de Oliva to add flavor and make it shine (it`s cholesterol free.)

BEANS: High in protein and fiber, Black Beans contain the highest level of Iron than any other bean followed by lentejas, chicharos y frijoles colorados . It compliments rice like Jamon y queso, Yuca y mojo, or like Celia and Salsa music.

PLATANO MADURO: A mainstay in the South Florida Diet. This will surprise you. Plantains contain 8 vitamins and 7 minerals. High in Vitamins A and C as well as Potassium, 4g of Fiber and 2.5g of protein per serving . Second helping anyone?

MEAT: Ropa Vieja, Palomilla Steak (breakfast20steak), Picadillo, and Boliche (eye round) = are all ATKINS friendly. Eat to your hearts delight.

CHICKEN & FISH: Even Atkins didn`t complain about these. Approved by Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and countless other diet gurus. So serve yourself a mountain of Arroz con Pollo or a second helping of Fricase de Pollo. Y no hay nada mas rico que un pargo (Red Snapper) frito. Los camarones vienen del mar tambien, so they must be good for you too.

DESSERT:
GUAVA: Guayaba is a fruit, fruits are an important part of any diet, Mango, papaya, Guanabana, etc. Guayaba is rich in Vitamin A and C and high in fiber, 9 grams! Add a little dairy (cream cheese)and you have a great dessert.

FLAN: You may incorporate Flan into your diet after week 2. Similar to creme brulee or natilla, Flan is a gift from Heaven .

LECHE CONDENSADA: Ah! Dairy`s Best, the Queen of Dairy, a Beautiful Elmers glue concoction created by man but sweetened by God. Created with the purpose to mix with other ingredients, like Malta or Pepsi, to make a heavenly creation. Medically a necessary component of the diet in order to prevent your blood sugar level from getting too low. You know that "sincopes" and "patatus" must be avoided.

SNACKS:
ESPRESSO: It runs through the veins of Cubans everywhere. Good at any time. It increases the metabolism so that you burn more calories. Drink at least 8-shots a day.

PASTELITOS: You may slowly include these into your diet on week 4. Pastelitos, brazo gitanos, merenguitos, eclairs, etc. Limit 1 per day of each variety.

MOJITOS: A great happy hour favorite. No Fat, No Cholesterol ! A daily scotch also does wonders for the circulation and the avoidance of sirimbas.

PAN CON TIMBA: The most energy filled sandwich snack. Cuban Olympic competitors eat one before participating on any event. If you want the utmost of deliciousness try adding some cream cheese to the sandwich.

Now you know why Cuban children grow up to be healthy adults.

replies: 2

April 11, 2009 05:42 PM by AmberBock
Pedro... you might have to translate..[g]

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April 15, 2009 06:01 PM by stinkyfoots
yummy

Voters in the Missouri town of Winfield re-elect their popular mayor to a fourth term, weeks after his death from a heart attack.

replies: 1

April 10, 2009 03:39 PM by stinkyfoots
Probable will get more done than most mayors.

It's my fault.

I got a new machine at work which is always a pleasant thing because it's nice and fast with a fresh install of Windows XP. So far so good. Then, I thought to myself, "What the hell?" I'll install IE8. Bad move.

IE8 has the same features you would find in Firefox or Chrome, does nothing the others don't do. Well one thing. It does one thing the others don't do.

It lags out and crashes all the damn time. This is not usually such a big deal unless you are a web developer who has 8 tabs open and refreshes the screen constantly,

I hate IE8. I say again, it's all my fault.

By JOSH GERSTEIN

Attorney General Eric Holder is signaling that the Obama Administration is not interested in getting into a major political battle to pass sensitive gun control legislation, such as re-instituting a ban on assault weapons or requiring background checks at gun shows.

In an interview aired Tuesday on the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric, Holder indicated that the administration plans to take a pragmatic approach to the issue.

?I think the thing we need to do is come up with those things we can do right away,? he said, addressing a question about guns purchased in the U.S. for use in the drug-related violence plaguing Mexico.

Back in February, Holder told a Senate confirmation hearing that the gun-show and assault-weapons measures would be constitutional and ?good from a law enforcement perspective.?

Asked by Couric about his change in emphasis, Holder said: ?No one?s told me to back off. I understand the Second Amendment. I respect the Second Amendment.?

Holder was noncommittal about whether the administration would take any steps to advance the gun control legislation. ?These are issues that we'll have to discuss. The president will be the one who will ultimately set policy. Things that are politically saleable and things that will ultimately be effective,? the attorney general said.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY

you really should watch this.

replies: 3

April 3, 2009 03:14 PM by stinkyfoots
Brad looks a little on the thin side, you feeding him right?

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April 3, 2009 03:20 PM by AmberBock
Yeah.... he's eating. [g]

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April 4, 2009 07:54 AM by brad
hahaha I like it

OLD people have problems that many of you younger folks haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a Sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this Jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's' office and gave him the jar, which was as Clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man Explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried With my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with My left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her Right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She Tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then With her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and She tried too, first with both hands, then an Armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her Knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the Jar open.

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student, but once, failed an entire class.

That class insisted socialism worked and no one would be poor and no one would be rich - a great equalizer.

The professor said ok, we will experiment in this class on socialism. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.

After the first test, grades were averaged and everyone got B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.

As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little. The second test average was D. No one was happy.

On the 3rd test the average was an F. Scores never increased as bickering, blame and name calling resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed. To their surprise, the professor told them socialism ultimately fails because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

Could not be any simpler than that.

Now we know where we are.

replies: 3

March 22, 2009 08:39 AM by stinkyfoots
I'm glad you do.

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March 22, 2009 08:18 PM by brad
There's no place like 1123 6536 5321.

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March 26, 2009 03:47 PM by stinkyfoots
I bet it is paradise.